How To Deal With Possessive Behaviour In Relationship?

Way to create a more equal and trusting relationship free from the feeling of being possessive over your partner.

possessive love

One of the common reasons for relationships break up nowadays is because one or both partners start behaving possessively. Possessive partners often intrude on each other’s boundaries and disrespect each other’s independence. They secret searches through cell phones, had outbursts when one partner goes out with friends followed by the interrogations.

Being very possessive over your partner can only damage a relationship permanently. There can be many reasons why people might feel possessive, including having trust issues, betrayal in past relationships, being jealous, or having low self-esteem. Here are some tips which will help you or your partner from this suffocating possessive state.

Ways to Stop Being  Possessive in a Relationship

Accept that these feelings are from the past experiences

The best way to deal with our anxiety is to find out where it’s really coming from. Current events trigger old, hidden primal pain. If we’re having an especially strong desire to control or possess our partner, chances are this has most likely something to do with our history.

Start making sense of your story by creating a coherent narrative of your past experiences, it can lead you to a great sense of self-understanding. It can help you know your triggers and feel calmer in the present. 

A word of advice: You might have been cheated on or lied to before – but this is a brand new relationship. Don’t ever let the past experiences ruin what you currently have now. Your partner is not the same person as your ex, and you both deserve a new fresh start and happiness.

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Stop being overbearing

If you worry too much that your partner doesn’t love you or isn’t being honest with you, this behavior will most likely push him or her away. No one really wants to be with a needy person. You need to trust that they love you because they’re choosing to be in a relationship with you.

Let them go out without you, give them some space, and don’t give them the third-degree emotional torture when they come home. If you make your partner feel like they’ve done something bad even when they haven’t, they might wonder what it’s worth to be good and this will start killing your relationship slowly.

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Start enhancing your sense of self

If you know that your insecurity the root cause of your possessive behavior, then you need to start to look at ways to bring more self-compassion into your life. You have to take steps to overcome your inner critic and truly accept that you are completely worthy and okay on your own, independent of anyone. You are really strong and very capable. Know that even if your partner does reject or betray you, your world will not end with it.

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Try to live your own life

This one goes hand in hand with not being overbearing. If you have your own job, your own set of hobbies, interests, and your own social circle, then you’ll be a far more interesting person to your partner. Spending time together is important but it’s also fun to spend time apart and have different things to share and talk about when you’re together.

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Facing issues in your life- Then try talking to our therapists

Resist engaging in jealous, authoritative, or punishing behaviors at all cost

Try to resist jealous, authoritative, or punishing behaviors. Actions such as surveillance on your partner will only alienate your relationship. Plus, it will cause you guilt. No matter how anxious it makes you, you have to resist the urge to exert power over our partner.


You need to learn to ignore that inner voice telling you, “Just don’t talk to her/him. She needs to know she can’t just work late and expect you to be happy” or, “Let him know you won’t stand for this”.

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Get to know each other’s friends

A great way to stop this negative feeling of jealousy is to get familiar with each other’s friends and social circles. If you are well aware of who your partner is spending time with, you will know for sure that there is no reason to unnecessary worry. Who knows, you might even like their friends and want to hang out with them as well.

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Try not to change your partner

When you both get along with each other, you start seeing things that are not up to the mark according to you and you tell yourself that the other person needs to change could just be your easy answer to any problem you might be having in the relationship.

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In this particular situation, it is strongly recommended that you both work and make adjustments together. Try not to do this alone, communicate, and take tiny steps together. Don’t focus on changing each other.


The secret ingredient of a successful relationship is the only trust. Trust in yourself and your partner. The fact is that possessive nature and trust do not get along well with each other and cannot exist together. Therefore, try to introduce trust in your relationship. If your partner truly loves you then he/she will never leave you for someone else ever unless you don’t force them for it with unhealthy behaviors.

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Dr. Ankit Gaur

Dr. Ankit Gaur is a Counsellor and Family Therapist. He is an experienced healthcare professional holding two post-graduate degrees (MSc in Counselling and Family Therapy, and PharmD}. His area of specialization lies in the field of counselling and family therapy covering all types of patients from different age groups such as pediatric, geriatric, adolescents, adults, and marital couples.

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